In the social media age, it might seem like name-calling is on par with facts and information… how often have we been on Twitter, or Facebook, and saw a comment “you’re so stupid, it kills me” get more likes than someone who puts out a strong data driven argument? It is difficult for us to change our minds about something we believe. So difficult, in fact, that we don’t mind snickering or supporting a personal dig at the person presenting contradictor proof.
Paul Graham’s Hierarchy of Disagreement can be used as a yardstick to determine whether or not we have well-informed arguments or how often we lower our level to win the debate. It also helps us identify and call out people who use mechanisms to distract us from the central point of disagreement/discussion.
Paul Graham’s Hierarchy of Disagreement
Regardless of how passionate we are about a topic or how much we ‘think’ we know, or even how “obviously right” we think our point of view is, we need to learn to be open to understanding others’ perspective and advocating our own views/beliefs better. Discourse, discussion and debate are part of healthy communication and importantly, they make our brain get into a critical thinking zone where it’s a pleasure to seek and gain knowledge about a subject.
Regardless of how we ‘think’ we know, we need to learn to be open to understanding others’ perspective and advocating our own views/beliefs better
Often, we prefer to associate only with people that share our opinion, or people who find us intelligent, worthy, witty, etc. In an organization or within our social network, we need to listen to perspective so that we don’t end up with half-baked or erroneous so-called ‘facts’. Arguments should not just strengthen our own views but (when wrong) it should weaken or change them. The faster we discover we are wrong the faster we improve. Of course, if our facts and evidence prove accurate, we may sway others to our side, contribute to their education and win their respect.
1. When you are part of a discussion that you don’t have knowledge about – listen. Listening gives you the opportunity to educate yourself on the subject. Also, not knowing and staying silent is better than opening your mouth and making a fool of yourself.
2. Practice explaining a perspective that seems “obvious” to you. Often, we end up being unable to explain our beliefs as they were ingrained/absorbed by us, maybe as children, without any discussion. So, as a practice, revisit your belief system and study/research – look for data and hear how others support their views with evidence, data, and facts.
3. In a heated argument; stop and ask the other, “what evidence would change your mind about this”. If the answer is nothing; agree to disagree and move on from the discussion – you cannot force someone to think in a way they don’t wish to.
4. You don’t need to have the last word – put arguments on hold, come back with a clearer mind, well-formed thoughts, and more research. The goal should always be to acquire knowledge and not “win” the argument. If you find yourself swayed by the other side – remember that’s never a bad thing.
5. Never, ever make it personal; name-calling, and losing your temper are signs that you have already lost – not just the argument or the opportunity to learn a new perspective but also a certain amount of respect and trust. Value building good relationships far over winning an argument.
Arguments may have a negative connotation associated with them; but when done right can have positive outcomes.